Reflections

I have so much to say, but I'm having trouble finding the words to describe how I feel today. Maybe just some stream of consciousness will help.
Today begins my last week in England, for now. The past 5 months have been the absolute best months of my entire life. When I first came here, I was a little scared, but eager to start a new life in a new place with the love of my life. It hasn't been completely perfect; we've had our difficulties, but we've been able to make the best of everything and every situation. There are no regrets.
Each day with Phil has only gotten better. Being with him has allowed me to rediscover myself and my purpose in life. I have never seen with such clarity. Never. I wish I could adequately dictate the feeling of clarity. I no longer live in fear of rejection or ridicule, I no longer walk on eggshells in my own home, I no longer worry about making decisions. I am 100% free to be 100% myself, and I have not ever been able to do that. He loves me, he fully supports me, he helps me, he laughs with me, he cries with me...he never leaves me to do anything alone. That, my friends, is the foundation of unconditional love. A lot of people say that love means you'll do anything for someone. I say love means you'll do anything with someone.
I've seen parts of the world that some of you may never see, and I've experienced life in a whole new culture -- I've learned to adjust, to be more tolerant and flexible, and I've been able to live in a completely different way. It is very bittersweet to leave here, I must be honest about that. It is sweet in that I will reattain some of the luxuries I've missed (Mexican food, my clothes dryer, etc.) The bitter part is that I have to leave Phil behind. No matter what I've had to give up, no matter how much we have financially struggled, no matter how many noisy Romanians we've endured, living here with him has made all of that worth the hassle. Nothing is unbearable when we're together. Despite the negatives, the positives heavily outweigh them.
My heart is in such a good place. I dread yet another separation, but I know that we will make it through and we will eventually be together, as I believe we are meant to be. I think it's safe to say that most people never find their true soulmate, but I'm lucky enough to have found mine. Without him, part of me is missing, and there is a void within.
Some of you may want to know what I'll miss the most. That's very simple: his touch. Not being able to feel him will be the most empty feeling in the universe.
The only solace I have is holding on to the day when we can be together forever: no more separations, no more flights, no more technology. Just us. Sometimes I wonder if my staying here for so long was a blessing or a curse, because I knew it would be so difficult to leave. But I have decided that has been a huge blessing. I have to get it in my head that leaving next Tuesday is not a goodbye. It is taking the next step toward us having a forever home together. I need to rely on my inner strength, and on the support of all of my friends and family to help me move forward. I cannot discredit you guys -- all of you. Your support has been insurmountable. To have a man like Phil, and family and friends like you, I consider myself one of the luckiest women around.